the rules of engagement

To be engaged is obviously one of the most amazing feelings in the world. Or at least it should be. If you know me, you'll know that I was engaged. In the beginning it was beautiful, I couldn't be happier. But now nearly four months after we ended it, I am starting to realise that I was engaged for the wrong reason. I am convinced that "Mr X" only proposed to me to ensure I was faithful. He'd heard rumours that i'd cheated on him, which were incorrect, but to keep him at peace he proposed to me. I honestly believe he didn't want to marry me at the time, or any time he said he couldn't wait to. It's also obvious because when he proposed he didn't have a ring, it wasn't something that he'd been thinking about or planned; it just happened one night. And because our relationship was long distance for more than half of it, he couldn't be sure that I was faithful - so I guess he thought if he put a ring on my finger it would give me insentive to behave. Even though the whole time I was faithful, and he was the one who was sleeping around behind my back. He probably thought "well, I love Ash but i've cheated on her, so what's stopping her from cheating on me?" No. I do not work like that. If i'm in a relationship with someone I mean it. Just like I meant it when I got engaged, when he proposed was the best night of my whole life. Not long after I "became his properety" more permenently he turned ugly. He was not a nice boy. And I say boy because even though he is a 22 year old man, he has so much growing up to do. In saying that when he proposed was the best night of my life, when he broke up with me to do drugs was the worst. But only four months later that horrid day has turned into the best day of my life. Obviously I remember the pain I felt, and how heart broken I was - but my life would have been miserable with such a nasty, selfish and decietful boy.

I look forward to being engaged again - I hate that there is an "again" - and this time to the right person. Someoone who wants to actually marry me, not someone who is doing it to simply control my actions. Marriage is going to be spectacular, especially with the right person. I really look forward to finding the right man and settling down, it will be my best adventure yet :)